Empty Nest...Not So Bad After All

Empty nest...it is everything it's cracked up to be and more.

My two girls flew the coup permanently during their college years.  The youngest hasn't lived at home now for four years.  I can't believe it's been FOUR YEARS!  Do you ever stop missing them...I don't think so.  I'm pretty sure I'll still be missing them 10, 20 years from now.  I miss the day-to-day interactions, the singing, the laughter, the chatter, the mom/daughter dates, the late night movie nights.  I miss good-night kisses and hugs.  I miss the music we shared.

 

I've tried to give them space to grow, to stretch their wings.  But, I'll always be a mom and sometimes I still try to help and it's not always taken graciously.  Us moms are human, we step on toes, make mistakes, but we always do what we do because we care and because we love them so fiercely our hearts may burst.  We still want to protect them no matter how old they get.  I don't know that that will ever go away.  I still look at them and see the little girls they used to be.

I believe in my girls...

                       in their STRENGTH,

                       in their DETERMINATION,

                       in their FUTURE.

They have grown into strong women and I can take some pride in knowing I equipped them well.
Will they make mistakes, bad decisions...yes, I'm sure.  Will they always come to me for help and advice...probably not.  But, no matter what, I'll always be here when they do need me.  And I hope they know that.

Miles and oceans have separated us these past 18 months.  It's been harder than I imagined.  I've had to hear about their joys and their broken hearts from afar and that breaks mine.  Sometimes I feel somewhat estranged from them, as if they are out there somewhere, but I'm not really a part of it all.  As if our lives are running along parallel roads and occasionally they come to a junction and intersect, but then continue along on their own again.  I suppose this is the way it's meant to be.  I cut the cord long ago, but pray that there will always be a small amount of string holding us together.   

So here we find ourselves now...the hubs and I, living abroad, pursuing the dream.  We truly are having the time of our life.  We've settled into a nice routine and are enjoying this new life together. There are no longer lessons and practices to rush to...our time is again our own.  It is a weird mix of sorrow and joy this thing called empty-nesting.


We are growing closer together and loving the adventure more and more each day.  This new season in our life has been so good to us.

Empty nest...not such a bad thing after all.

 

Growing Up

Today was, well, one of those melancholy kind of days.  Spring is finally arriving bringing with it some warmer weather, however, today it was rainy and gray.  So, I found myself inside.  My youngest daughter will be moving into her new apartment/loft in a couple of weeks and I'm a mess of emotions...excited for her, sad for me.  I knew this day was coming, but it just seems too soon.  Too soon to not have her a part of our home.  Too soon to say good-bye to the little girl that once was.  I had hoped to squeak out one more summer together.  Today I decided to start packing up the remainder of her belongings, things I know she will want with her.  I stood there in her room desperately wanting to do the impossible...hold onto those little girl days.  My thoughts went to, not so long ago, when she danced through the house and belted out her favorite song.  I miss the sound of her laughter, our daily conversations, and just the life she breathed into my every day.

The season outside is changing as the buds appear and the flowers begin to blossom and once again my life is changing.  My little girls are grown women now, making lives of their own.  Although, today I am sad and I mourn the loss of those simple childhood days, I hope for our future and anticipate the changing relationships.  For I am truly blessed to have them in my life. 

Our lilac buds are just beginning to show...a promise of the beauty to come.



The new Flowering Almonds we are planting out front.



Loved the look this little bluebird gave me!  He made me smile.

This pair of bluebirds come by every few days for a visit.  These little creatures bring such joy!

A little something I picked up in Kimmswick...have a thing for these little nests.  I guess they remind me of Spring and proof that the seasons will change.

Babies Are Back

The baby cardinals came back!  It's amazing to me that such a simple thing can bring so much joy.  Sitting on the deck, I heard their little chirps, familiar but different.  Somehow, before I saw them, I knew.  When I looked to see what it was, there they were sitting on the wall. 

Read about their start in this world, here.

I didn't think I'd know what happened to them once they left the nest, or if they would even survive.  They were so tiny, so fragile, but they did and here they were tail feathers growing strong...soon strong enough to fly off on their own.  I watched them play and eat for a while.  It didn't take long for momma to arrive continuing to watch over, protect, guide. 

 

Does she know how short her time is?  Does she realize that soon they will leave?  Will what she taught them be enough?  I wanted to tell her that soon she'd have to let go.  That she will watch them fly away, she will watch them make decisions that will hurt them, she won't be able to protect them like she can now.  There is coming a time when all she can do is trust in what she taught them and that they will see the right way, trust in her God to guide their paths, protect them from harm, and bring them back.  I wish I could tell her that broken hearts mend, that peace that surpasses all understanding can and will replace the fear and anxiety. 

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,

 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.  ³ Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  ⁴Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.

                                                                         Proverbs 3:1-4 NIV

 

Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

                                                                       Proverbs 22:6 NIV

Flying the Coop

We have babies!  Well, baby Cardinals that is right out front in our lilac tree.  I've been watching them the last couple of week. 

 

I thought, at first, they were barn swallows because I had two barn swallows, male and female, having a fit at me one day on the porch.

 

 

I showed them to Beki and then skipped a few days and what a difference a few days can make.  As I pulled back the branches to check on them, one of the pair flew right out of the nest and onto the driveway.

 

 

I was worried he was too small to leave the nest and, with gloves, I scooped him back up and put him back in. 

 

 

However, later I was watching out the window to make sure mom and dad were coming and they were, I saw him sitting on the top of the tree.  Of course, I ran to get the camera and as I came back he, again, flew out of the tree and landed in the garden.

 

 

He sat in the garden and watched me for awhile, then jumped up onto the porch. 

 

As mom and dad were chirping and carrying on, the little guy flies into one or our bushes and, finally, found himself down into the backyard and into the woods. 

  

 

I could hear him somewhere in the bushes and mom and dad were continuing to follow him.  You could tell they were worried by the way they were carrying on or maybe they were coaxing him to join them.  But, they never left him.  When I went out to check this morning, baby 2 was also gone.  I hope they make it ok out in this great big world.  I'm pretty sure they had really good parents who will show them the way.

 

 

 

Isn't that just like life.  We nurture and teach our children, then one day unexpectedly they take wings and fly the coop.  They think they are all grown up, that they don't need us anymore, but then you get that call...the one that says "I still need you." 

 

We pray that everything we teach them, faith in God, self confidence, respect for others, respect for money, taking care and having pride in your belongings, building relationships, work ethic, will stay with them.  Even though they are out of the nest, we continue to guide them.  Baby bird still needed mom and dad to show him the way just the same as our children will continue to need us and the same as we continue to need our Heavenly Father to guide us.  We don't always agree with the choices our kids make, but we will never forsake them, we are always there for them.  How much more so does God love us and wants what is good for us. 

 

He is always there and He will never forsake us.

 

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.   Deuteronomy 31:8

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March Going-Ons

March has kept me pretty busy.  Beki came home for Spring break and spent a week home.  We did all the fun girl stuff...chick flick, lunch, shopping.  The school year is quickly coming to an end and it won't be long before she's home for the summer.  It happened to be my birthday week, so I was really glad to have her home to share it with me.  We went to dinner on The Hill, Charlie Gitto's.  The food is incredible and I ordered one of my favorites, the lobster bisque.  Everyone really blessed me this year.  Mom sent me a bird feeder full of Easter candy!  I got a fun set of paper weights from my sister.  John bought me two new photography editing software programs.  Knowing my weakness for chocolate covered cherries, my sister-in-law sent a sweet little package. 

But I have to say, the thing that meant the most was the simple card from my daughter that said no matter what, she'll always need her mom.  Our children grow up, move out on their own, and sometimes, we are left not really knowing our place.  Not sure where we fit into their new, busy lives.  We go days sometimes weeks without hearing from them and we wonder if they even remember.  Do they realize how much they are missed?  How hard it is to fill that void where they once stood?  So, it really does mean the world, when they take the time to let us know we are still needed.  It's been a hard year of adjustments for me, but it's finally starting to get a little easier.  The quiet days are growing on me and I expect there's a reason for this reprieve, this time to just be still.  I have a feeling my life is going to change dramatically over the next couple of years. 

Been doing a little more decorating, finished up our family room and this week, I painted Beki's bedroom.  The house is slowly getting to where we want it.  Eventually, I'll get our bedroom painted and probably the main area of the house and then the basement.  There's plenty still for me to do.

We got a couple of nice days among all these cold March days, John and I took a little walk through the sculpture park, played with the cameras to see what we could come up with.  I tried a few in black and white.

And spent one afternoon at Forest Park.  It just felt really good to be out in the sunshine.

Feelin' Insecure

Don't you wish you could go out and accomplish everything you dream about?  I know a lot of women struggle with insecurities...

"I could never do that",

"I'm not good enough",

"I'll never be as good as them".

 

Being an ex-career military wife, you wouldn't think I'd fall in this category, however, it's hard for me, new places, new people, starting over, making new friends, beginning new things.  It's a struggle.  I'm guilty of the same.  I obsess over other blogs and photographer's websites, constantly comparing my work to theirs, fretting whether or not mine are as good as theirs, whether my pictures are as pretty or if people would actually want to read a blog by a simple woman who just loves to share the beauty she sees in the world.  I worry whether I can live up to expectations of those who would hire me to document their lives in pictures.  I feel like the Little Engine sometimes...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. But, always the question...."Can I?" 

This mom, whose kids have flown the coup, struggles daily with her place in this world.  It's been a year since my oldest got married and six months since my youngest left for college and still I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with myself.  All of this adds to the insecurity of who I am.  I'm not a risk taker, never have been.  But, I'm thinking that without taking risks, we may not figure it out...who we are, what we are supposed to be doing.  I'm going to try to step out of my comfort zone, try to figure this thing out.
I, recently, came across a fellow blogger who wrote of these same feelings and I realized that there are many of us out there who feel the same way.  I guess we all start out feeling insecure, not sure whether we should step out. It doesn't matter how many people read or view, what matters is that you are doing NOW what you plan, create, dream, be it art, photography, writing, cooking, or anything else.  I find a lot of joy in being creative, whether that's in taking a picture, playing the piano, drawing something new, learning a new skill.  Fear is a strangler, it sucks our life right out of us and kills our joy.  We all hold back doing what we love because we are held by the power of fear and insecurity.  I hope to change that, with God's help.  So, what will it be...

will you Choose Joy?  

 MY JOY DARE
Counting my Gifts one by one 
  

70.  Hot tubs.

71.  A perfect weekend.
72.  Smiles on their faces.
73.  My favorite chocolate chip cookies and a big glass of milk.

 74.  Space to call my own.
75.  Saw a woodpecker come down to the new feeders today.
76.  Orchids.

 77.  Walk in the sun.
78.  Snow shadows.

 79.  Daffodils growing through the snow.
80.  Seeing the colors of winter.

 81.  Snowflakes.

 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10