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Monday, March 4, 2013

Feelin' Insecure

Don't you wish you could go out and accomplish everything you dream about?  I know a lot of women struggle with insecurities...
"I could never do that",
"I'm not good enough",
"I'll never be as good as them".

Being an ex-career military wife, you wouldn't think I'd fall in this category, however, it's hard for me, new places, new people, starting over, making new friends, beginning new things.  It's a struggle.  I'm guilty of the same.  I obsess over other blogs and photographer's websites, constantly comparing my work to theirs, fretting whether or not mine are as good as theirs, whether my pictures are as pretty or if people would actually want to read a blog by a simple woman who just loves to share the beauty she sees in the world.  I worry whether I can live up to expectations of those who would hire me to document their lives in pictures.  I feel like the Little Engine sometimes...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. But, always the question...."Can I?" 

This mom, whose kids have flown the coup, struggles daily with her place in this world.  It's been a year since my oldest got married and six months since my youngest left for college and still I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with myself.  All of this adds to the insecurity of who I am.  I'm not a risk taker, never have been.  But, I'm thinking that without taking risks, we may not figure it out...who we are, what we are supposed to be doing.  I'm going to try to step out of my comfort zone, try to figure this thing out.
I, recently, came across a fellow blogger who wrote of these same feelings and I realized that there are many of us out there who feel the same way.  I guess we all start out feeling insecure, not sure whether we should step out. It doesn't matter how many people read or view, what matters is that you are doing NOW what you plan, create, dream, be it art, photography, writing, cooking, or anything else.  I find a lot of joy in being creative, whether that's in taking a picture, playing the piano, drawing something new, learning a new skill.  Fear is a strangler, it sucks our life right out of us and kills our joy.  We all hold back doing what we love because we are held by the power of fear and insecurity.  I hope to change that, with God's help.  So, what will it be...

will you Choose Joy?  

Counting my Gifts one by one 
70.  Hot tubs.
71.  A perfect weekend.
72.  Smiles on their faces.
73.  My favorite chocolate chip cookies and a big glass of milk.

 74.  Space to call my own.
75.  Saw a woodpecker come down to the new feeders today.
76.  Orchids.

 77.  Walk in the sun.
78.  Snow shadows.

 79.  Daffodils growing through the snow.
80.  Seeing the colors of winter.

 81.  Snowflakes.

 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

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