Fall at the Arch

I had a different picture in mind when I went to the Arch.  But, because of all the construction going on, I wasn't able to access the area I wanted.  Disappointed, I turned my focus to other areas and was not disappointed with the results from this little trip.  Autumn is not at its peak yet in St. Louis, but just look at the color already! 

I've been waiting patiently for fall to arrive, just seems to be taking forever this year.  I know that it's inevitable, that it will arrive.  I anticipate it with each passing day...searching the horizon for the colors to change.  Isn't that like life, if we anticipate the change, it won't be a surprise.  It won't catch us off guard if we are searching the horizon, but it may take our breathe away because it's so beautiful.  Some changes are good, some are bad, however, I think it's fair to say that we all face inevitable changes.  Be on the lookout, be expectant.  It's exciting...just anticipating it! 

Lingering

This is the day that the Lord has made...I will rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 118:24

Snow is falling...

beautiful, full snowflakes coming down, turning my little part of the world white.  I open the door, the wind blows swirling balls of cold cotton against my face, down my neck.  I'm pouting, it's supposed to be Spring, it's supposed to be

           changing,
           renewing,
           awakening. 

As much as I want it to change, Winter is hanging on for all it's worth...1 then 2 then 6 inches and more.

Are you in a season you wish would change, that you'd get a fresh start, a new tomorrow?  Life doesn't always take the path we'd like it to go,

             sometimes we have to sit awhile in the present season,
             sometimes it lasts longer than we thought or hoped.

God has a purpose, a plan, a reason for this lingering.  But, know we do not linger alone. God speaks to our hearts, "I am with you always."  He's prepared the day and no matter how it turns out, we can be content.  We can sit around pouting or...

           We can have JOY unspeakable!

We can rest assured that in our patience, the season will come to an end...it always does.  Time continues on, it heals.  Our Winters become Springs. 

So, we wait, we learn, we count our gifts....we count it all JOY.

MY JOY DARE

 

82.  Coconut cream Easter eggs

83.  Home

 

3 Gifts Green

84.  Easter tree

85.  My beautiful new family room

86.  Springtime

 

3 Gifts wore

87.  Diamond cross necklace from my mom

88.  My wedding rings

89.  My pandora bracelet for all the memories of those who love me

 

Gifts Hard to Give Thanks For

90.  Rainy days

91.  Thankful my girls are happy where they are even if that

means being far away

 

3 Gifts Found

92.  A new church

93.  A bed frame to match our furniture

94.  Reasons found everyday to be joyful

 

 

3 Gifts in the Kitchen

95.  Coffee maker

96.  Good food

97.  Dishwasher!

 

Gifts Loud

98.  Daughter's voice as she sings her favorite songs

99.  Piano music

 

3 Gifts Carved

100.  A glass bowl repurposed

101.  Diamonds

102.  New furniture for the family room

 

3 Gifts Read

103.  A very special letter from a friend

104.  Book, "One Thousand Gifts"

105.  A FB announcement for a free book - "Choose Joy"

 

 



A Robin's Gift

It's late in the morning.  There's not one bit of sunshine as I walk by the big picture window in the family room.  Movement catches my eye.  She flies into my view and it makes me stop.  She lights on a tree, fat from fall foraging.  It's the coldest day of winter so far, but here she sits...a beautiful, single robin.  My first thought, What is she doing here?  I guess the confusing warm weather earlier in the month has kept them around. 

She was my unexpected gift today...a reminder that my life is a cycle of seasons.  She sat there, blinking, turning her head.  I wanted a picture, but figured she'd be gone by the time I ran to the basement for the zoom lens that would be able to capture her.  I ran, I prayed she'd stay.  She did...she was my gift.  Seasons seem long while we are in them, but quickly change.  This season I sit in is a blink, it will change.  What can I learn while I'm here?  What does God want me to see?  To learn?

Nothing here below is profane

for those who know how to see. 

~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

My answer is in my question...to Learn to See.

I thought this morning about a poem that hung once in my MIL's home.

"Cooking and cleaning can wait til tomorrow
For babies grow up, I've learned to my sorrow.
So, settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."



It's time for her to leave, again.  Cold wind blows..."Help me load my car, Momma."  I cringe...it's freezing outside, but she wants my help.  The moments to her leaving are counting down.  She asks for help.  She still needs me so I go.  Our time with our children goes so fast.  They are a gift, a precious gift, that we are given only moments to raise, to teach, to train.  But does the gift end when they walk out the door to adulthood...I don't think so.  It changes.  We find new ways of normal, new ways of teaching and loving, new ways of opening the gift, unveiling another part of the gift. Because that's what He does for us...loves us unconditionally even when we fail, when we make stupid choices, when we hurt Him, when we don't believe.  He's always there when we ask.  So that's my job for now...to love, to show them the way to God's heart.

My tomorrow has come, my babies are all grown up...now I wait, wait for whatever is next.

Joy Dare

17.  A gift that says you are special. 

 18.  Sweet chatter from my 18 year old daughter sharing a glimpse of her world.

Something above, beside, below

19.  Blazing orange sunrise.

20.  Sitting beside my teen daughter at the movies.

21.  The woods spreading out below our house.

Three things about myself

22.  That I can create...bring joy to others through my gifts.

23.  That I have loved one man for 25+ years.

24. Curly, sometimes wild, hair!

25.  The robin that appeared on a cold, winter's day to remind me this season is temporary.

She's "21"

When your children hit certain milestones, one often wonders where the time disappeared to.  With Ari's 21st birthday, there was no exception.  I'm amazed how fast we have come to this time in our lives and sometimes wish I could push a magic button and stop time.  She's a special young lady, with a heart for God, and compassion for people.  We spent the weekend visiting with her and her husband, Anthony, and Beki.  The weekend really didn't go as planned, life rarely goes as planned!  But, regardless, we had a nice dinner downtown at the Springfield Brewing Co. Restaurant to celebrate. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you ever feel like you could just be swallowed up in sadness?

I miss my girls so much, things just aren't the same without them around.    You know what's the hardest,  it's missing out on the everyday things...

hearing their daily stories, talking and laughing together, just knowing if they are ok or not.

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting in a dark room waiting for little glimpses of light.  Waiting for a note or call that says...

 

"Hey, you're not forgotten." 

 

 

Our Hope

Little did I know how I would be tested when I said I was learning to let go a couple weeks ago.  My world has been turned upside down and letting go is all I can do.  I went out this morning with Frosty to find storm clouds on the horizon and thought about the storm brewing in my life and how fitting to see that view at that moment.  Like a distant storm, I don't know what's coming, I can't see how bad it will get. 

 

I headed back upstairs thinking it would be a dark and ugly day, but when I reached the apartment, there was a glow in the windows.  So, I opened the blinds to find the sun peaking through a hole in the clouds, and, there it was right in front of me. 

 

God's promise...

 

My hope. 

 

I'm in the heart of the city, surrounded by tall buildings, so I grabbed my camera went back outside to try to find the rainbow that I knew had to be there somewhere.  Well, it stopped raining and I couldn't find it, but I know it was there. 

 

Isn't that like God, we can't see Him, but we know He's there?  He will be there through our storms. I asked for strength to get through another day...and He provided.

Psalm 46:10  Be still and know that I am God.

I don't have to do anything...stop reacting, trying to control it, trying to fix it.  Just Be Still! 

 

He's our rainbow...

 

Our promise that all will be well.

Hebrews 11:1   Now faith is confidence in what we HOPE for and assurance about what we do not see.

Missing

It's been a hard couple weeks, full of changes.  I insisted on treating the "living in an apartment" as an extended vacation.  I guess it helped me justify living in cramped quarters, going down three flights three times a day with the dog, and not having the luxuries of home.  Well, that is wearing off and I think I'm homesick!  I miss my home...I miss my neighborhood...I miss my friends...I miss the noise of childhood...I miss the music and the voice of my youngest as she filled the rooms with song...I miss sitting on the front porch...I miss my hummingbirds!!  The other night, I fell asleep in tears, no one knew.  It was just one of those moments, I didn't wish to share with anyone.  I prayed...what else do you do in times like those.  I prayed for peace, for something to quiet my heart, for the safety of my girls, and for the family now living in my home.  I fell asleep.

 

The Anniversary

26 years...yes, dear, it was 26 not 27!! On September 6th, 26 years ago, at 19 years old, I married my high school sweetheart. No one believes we've been together that long. We hear it all the time, "No way," "I'd have never thought you had kids old enough to be married and in college," "You're too young." I love that last one, thankful the wrinkles haven't caught up with us yet! We sort of have an anniversary tradition. He actually used to buy me a rose for every year. But when we went over 2 dozen, I kind of told him it wasn't necessary. Well, this year, he came in the door, hoping I wouldn't be disappointed, empty handed and explained how he'd been to two flower shops that were either closed or no longer in business. I told him I wasn't disappointed, however, I'd love a new bead for my Pandora bracelet. There's always a way to a girl's heart!! So, that night we had dinner down the street at the Wildflower Restaurant in the Central West End, St. Louis, and the next day made a trip to the mall. And, by the way, the dinners at the Wildflower were excellent. We were so full from appetizers and the meal, we had to take our dessert home...chocolate cream-filled cannolis.  I thank God for the man He gave me to spend my life with.  He is adventurous and full of life and I am glad I'll have him by my side for this next chapter in our life...it's just the two of us again!!

Empty Nest

Well, it's been two weeks today that we dropped off our youngest at Missouri State University.  It was, quite possibly, the hardest thing I've had to do.  Beki was ready to go and super excited to get moved in to her dorm.  We helped her get set up, bought her the new TV.  On Saturday, we picked her up along with Ari and took them out to lunch.  I tried really hard not to cry, but saying good-bye was just too hard.  So, with tears flowing down my face, I told her how much I'd miss her.  This just doesn't seem fair to me.  Us mom's get the bad end of the deal, spend 18 years raising them up and sacrificing everything for them only to be left empty-handed.  I am excited for her, though.  We've done our job and am confident that she will be fine.

 

 

It's going well for her.  She decided to try to get into a sorority.  They recruited the first week of school.  She was bid on by her #1 choice, the Sigma Kappa's.  Haven't been able to talk to her much, but can tell she is really excited to get to know all her new sisters.

 

 

So, John and I are adjusting to the quietness.  Couldn't have ever imagined this day when the girls were born, but it snuck up on us anyway.  How does one go from being a full-time mom to nothing? Well, after two weeks, I'm beginning to get used to the silence, unfortunately, with the help of the TV...lol!  We've been consumed with packing and moving, so that has been a welcome distraction however stressful. We are temporarily settled into a 900 sq. ft. apartment in St. Louis and are adjusting to the city life.  What do you think of those concrete floors and plywood ceilings?  Hopefully, we will close on our new home end of September and begin the adventure of our new life! 

 

Saph and Frosty are also getting used to the new place...making themselves at home!  :o)